


De-Programming

by ThatHCWriter



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Finn Needs A Hug (Star Wars), Finn-centric (Star Wars), Fluff, Gen, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Meeting the Parents, Past Emotional Manipulation, Poe Dameron is a Good Friend, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Sickfic, Space Mom Leia Organa, Stormtrooper Culture, War, mild PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-09-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:47:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25576036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatHCWriter/pseuds/ThatHCWriter
Summary: Finn loves his new life in the Resistance, and with Poe, but old habits can be hard to break.Or 5 times Finn learns that what he was taught in the First Order was wrong, and one time he realizes they did get something right.
Relationships: Finn & Leia Organa, Finn & Phasma, Kes Dameron & Poe Dameron, Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 13
Kudos: 131





	1. Relationships Between Troopers are Strictly Forbidden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe asks Finn an important question, and gets a surprising response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to take a look at stormtrooper culture, and how it affected Finn after he left, so enjoy this little collection!

Poe wanted to meet him in the hangar, alone. Finn didn't even know what to think, this never happened in the First Order. Sure, he was occasionally summoned to meet Captain Phasma when he didn't fire enough on a mission, but it was always to an office, somewhere professional. Never a hangar, definitely never without any form of escort. He had no idea what to prepare for, but he knew that not going could mean consequences, and that's not what he wanted. He liked it here, he couldn't risk being thrown out. 

He found Poe carefully examining the cockpit of his X-Wing, grease stains littering his face and jumpsuit. Finn wasn't sure how to approach him, or what that feeling in his stomach was when he saw Poe like that, but he snuck closer, careful not to disturb what the pilot was doing. Almost as soon as he moved though, Poe whipped his head to face him, grinning sheepishly. 

"Hey bud! I'm glad you came, sit down, make yourself comfortable," Poe said coolly, effortlessly sliding down the ladder to the ground. Finn eyed the area Poe gestured to, hesitant to sit, and unsure of how exactly he could 'make himself comfortable" on a pile of dirty pilot's bags, but he tried his best, sitting on a bag and shuffling awkwardly, trying to get comfortable. He almost missed Poe smiling at his efforts. 

"So, um.. Might I ask what this is about?" Finn asked almost too quickly, drawing a concerned nod from Poe. 

"I just wanted to check in with you. I mean, so much has changed in your life in the past few weeks, I just wanted to make sure that you're starting to feel at home here." Finn smiled at the floor, blushing. Someone asking how he's doing just because he wanted to know, not because he was evaluating him was refreshing, and so, so different from the First Order. A part of him thought he should be more suspicious, questioning why exactly Poe was so curious, but something about him was calming and honest, trustworthy to a degree that Finn had rarely felt before. 

"It's a lot. It's a whole new set of people, a whole new set of rules," Finn trailed off, huffing before he continued, "It feels like I'm doing something meaningful for once. Like there's something for me to fight for." Poe smirked, hanging his head for a moment. Finn expected a response, but Poe didn't seem to be fully in the conversation. He was looking elsewhere, staring at the ceiling with a twinge of nervousness. Finn was about to interrupt him, ask for his input when Poe began to speak with a rushed tone.

"I want to get to know you better." Finn looked up at him, confused. Of course he did, they hadn't exactly gotten much time to just talk in the time that they'd known each other, what with the war they both were knee deep in. Why was he saying it like he was confessing something, it seemed completely normal to Finn. 

"Of course. I feel like I just know how you are in a firefight, not how you are as a person." Poe smiled at Finn again, shaking his head slowly. 

"I don't just mean like that. Ever since we got out of that ship, you... kriff, you mean a lot to me. Not just as a friend." Finn looked at Poe wide eyed, at a complete loss for words. When Poe saw that, he quickly drew back. "Did I come on too strong? Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you I just.." 

"You're allowed to do that here?" There was a long, awkward pause. 

"What?" 

"In the Order, relationships between fighters aren't allowed, ever. I've always wanted to try one, I mean it's always interested me, and you've been so good to me, and... yeah. I want to get to know you... like that." Poe let out a relieved sigh. 

“Great. That’s great! Let’s meet here tomorrow, talk more about it. I’m.. im really excited about this Finn,” Poe blurted excitedly. Finn blushed, standing to head back to the bunks. “One more question.” 

“Huh?” 

“You still like the name?” Poe blushed slightly. Finn rested his hand on Poe’s forearm. 

“It’s the best gift anyone’s ever given me.” Poe smirked, resting a hand on Finn’s back and guiding him down the hall. That was another difference between here and the Order. He still didn’t know where exactly all of this was going, but for the first time, he wasn’t scared. Because for the first time, he wasn’t alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay FinnPoe fluff! Comments are hugely motivational for me, so tell me what you think, and what you wanna see next! Thanks for reading!


	2. Troopers Are Not Permitted Contact With Biological Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn accompanies Poe to Yavin IV, where he learns about what it means to be father and son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2! Because apparently I can't seem to write Poe without including some Kes.

"Are you sure I should be here? I mean it's not too late for me to turn around, I don't have to.." 

"Enough of that, Finn. He's so excited to meet you, at this point, it'd be worse if you didn't show." Poe was steadfast in his tone, offering Finn a reassuring pat on the shoulder as they neared the atmosphere of Yavin IV. The excitement was palpable for Poe, childhood memories already flooding back to him when he saw the green moon. Finn paced nervously through the hull of the ship mind full of what ifs. In the order, they were never allowed to see parents, or family members of any kind, so frankly, he was going into this completely blind. Poe seemed to love his father, from the way the spoke over holos and how he spoke of the man to Finn, but he didn't know what that meant, if his father was truly the great man he was, or just a man who cared about his son. 

"We're entering the atmosphere. Prepare for landing," One of the copilots reported, snapping Finn out of it. Poe was nearly giddy, only barely sitting down as the ship prepared to touch down. Finn sat quietly next to him, too nervous to notice anything but the rumble of the ship as the landing gear started to extend out. When the ship whirred to a halt, Poe shot up immediately, bouncing a bit as the door fell open. Finn loved seeing him this happy, but his stomach was still in knots, nerves eating at him. 

"Come on Finn! Let me show you around!" Poe ushered him on to the ground, flashing a wide, dopey grin. Finn jogged toward him, quickly catching up. "It smells phenomenal down here, just like it did when I was a kid." Finn didn't think it smelled any different from the other tropical planets he'd been to, but he supposed Poe was happy, so he didn't want to dampen his mood. 

They weaved through the streets, Poe raving about the culture, food and people surrounding them all the while. Finn found it extremely endearing, using it as a welcome distraction from the nerves. They reached the outskirts of town soon enough, passing through melon fields and eventually running into an expansive ranch with a large, sturdy tree in front of it. For a reason he couldn't explain, the tree seemed to call Finn, reaching out to him and telling him that he was in a good place. He was safe here. Moments later, a man exited the ranch. He was seasoned, battle-worn and weary, but he smiled deeply and truly at them. He smiled just like Poe did. 

"Papa!" Poe yelled, running at the man. The older man laughed, opening his arms and letting Poe fall into them, relief washing over the two men. Finn stayed back, feeling as if he was intruding. 

"Ah, mijo, I'm so glad you made it okay! This must be the ex-trooper I've been hearing so much about!" Poe's father approached Finn with open arms and a wide smile. Finn kept his head down, extending his hand respectfully. 

"My name is Finn, sir." Poe's father smiled and almost scoffed, glancing back at his son. 

"None of this 'sir' nonsense. Call me Kes." Finn raised his eyebrow. He wanted him to refer to him so informally? But he was much older and more experienced than Finn was, and they'd only just met. "What's so confusing, kid?" Kes asked patiently with pleading eyes. 

"I'm sorry, it's just.. I'm not used to people allowing me to call them by their first names, especially so early." Poe gave Finn a sad, but understanding glance. 

"Was there a rule about that in the Order?" Poe asked gently, shooting a glance to his father. Finn nodded shyly. 

"There's no need to follow that rule, son. You care so much for Poe, so I care so much for you. That's all you need to know." Poe blushed, and Finn reddened a bit as well. 

"Sir, can I ask you a question?" Finn asked softly, embarrassed of his words. Kes looked at his son for support, who threw an arm around Kes in unity. 

"Sure, Finn. Ask away," Poe said, clapping his father on the back. 

"Is it normal, not be formal with your parents?" Poe looked at his father, extremely confused. 

"Why do you ask?" 

"Because I've never met mine. None of us have, it's against protocol." For a moment, Kes went green in the face.

"You can't be serious," Kes whispered, trying to be sensitive, "I mean, I can't imagine. Why would they ever.." 

"I don't know si.. I mean Kes. I'm not used to it. Sorry." Kes shook Finn off kindly. 

"Don't be. This must be really strange for you, you have every right to be curious. Don't apologize for what you couldn't control, son." Finn blushed, eyes welling up. 

"That's very kind of you. Thank you." For the rest of the day, Kes got to know his son's new beau, forming an even deeper appreciation for the ex-trooper. Finn wasn't sure of very much, that day, but after he and Poe took off from Yavin IV, he was sure of one thing. 

He didn't know his parents, that was true, but he had Kes. Someone older, wiser who didn't need all of the formal terms. He just needed Finn to be happy, and that, that was the best thing Finn had encountered in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think? What do you wanna see next? Thanks for reading!


	3. Illness=Weakness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn gets sick for the first time while he's in the resistance, and he's in for another surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update time! This one's super fluffy, and is based on a headcanon I have about trooper life that I haven't seen enough of. Please enjoy!

Finn tried to play it off all week. He tried to simply say that he was tired, overworked, needed a day off, but the more times he denied it, the worse he felt. Nearly every muscle in his body ached on and off, he couldn't get on to a ship without feeling queasy, and worst of all, he was shivering even in the often oppressive heat of D'Qar. There was undeniably something wrong with him, and it scared him to death. 

He thought back to a time in the order when a member of his squadron was complaining of similar issues. They were teens, fresh out of the academy, and after weeks without rest, FN-2190 started moving slower, complaining more, and eventually, not being able to do much of anything other than laying down and sleeping, too weak to fight alongside the rest of them. Before Finn knew it, there was a new member of their squadron, and 2190 was completely removed from their squad. 

He was later told that 2190 was executed. He was ill, useless to the mission of the order. And thus, he was disposed of. It made sense to Finn, in a way. After all, there was no reason that the order would waste resources on a fighter that couldn't fight. 

Now, however, it scared Finn more than anything. He loved his life in the Resistance, he loved the people there, the leadership seemed to care about him as a person, not just as a chess piece, and most of all, he loved Poe. Every little thing that pilot did, every surprise he sprung, every smile he flashed at Finn from across the room, every little moment that he shared with Poe reaffirmed that. And Poe would never do that to him. Poe would never just send him off to be killed, Poe knew he had value, even if he was defective. 

But how could he be sure? He thought his squadron was tight while he was in the order, but they all were fine after 2190 was sent away. What proof did he have that that wouldn't happen here? 

So, for the moment, Finn just hid it. The pain just kept getting worse, the nausea just kept getting harder to ignore, but he didn't want to risk telling anyone. Relief from a little bit of a stomach ache wasn't worth losing his position in the Resistance, so no matter how much his body protested, he stayed silent. 

And he would've done it for longer, if Poe wasn't so extremely observant. Poe was giving Finn weird looks the whole day, and not the usual goofy glances meant to draw a smile out of him. These were full of concern, worry for Finn's well being that only deepened as the day went on. At first, Finn brushed it off, joking that Poe needed to lay off, and that he simply had a bad night of sleep. Alas, though, Poe didn't buy it for a moment. Poe continued to tinker with his X-Wing while Finn wretched next to him, but after a while, he huffed and started to speak.

"Are you feeling sick, hon? If you are, that's okay we can just..." Poe stopped in his tracks when he heard the sound Finn made in response. It was a yelp like a wounded animal's, and when Poe turned to look at him, Finn's position matched the sound. He was on the floor in the fetal position, loud, squeaky breaths pouring out of him every second. Poe stooped to the ground, laying a hand on Finn's back. "Whoa, whoa Finn, are you in any pain?" Finn nodded sadly. Poe's heart ached for the other man. "Okay, let's get you to the infirmary, you can rest up there, okay? It's gonna be okay." 

"N..no." Finn almost yelled, throwing himself back on to the ground. Poe looked on, stunned. 

"It's okay, they can get you help. I'll come with you, I'll be right by your side, okay?" Finn slowly opened his eyes, tears leaking out of them as he locked eyes with the pilot. Slowly and resignedly, Finn nodded, allowing Poe to help him up and gently guide him to the infirmary. All the way there, Poe whispered reassurances under his breath, hoping that Finn would take some comfort in his efforts. 

They arrived in the infirmary quietly, Poe only softly notifying a doctor of Finn's condition. He didn't want to risk scaring Finn more by making a scene, and thankfully, the doctor was understanding. She showed the men to a private room, where she carefully examined Finn. The two held hands the whole time, and despite his best efforts, Poe wasn't able to quell the shaking in the ex-trooper's hands. 

The exam couldn't have been longer than thirty minutes, but to Finn it felt like days. He did his best to answer any questions she had in a way that she would deem correct, like saying he'd eaten recently when he'd skipped both lunch and breakfast, and downplaying his symptoms at every chance he got. Maybe then she wouldn't think he was defective. Maybe then, he could stay. 

"It looks like you just have a stomach bug. Nothing serious, and with some medication it should resolve itself in a few days. There's no need for you to spend the night here if you don't want to, so you can go back to your rooms if you'd like," The doctor stated professionally, darting her eyes between the two men.

"Thanks, Doc," Poe whispered, focusing his attention back onto a bleary eyed Finn. "Hey conejito, let's head back to my room, okay?" Finn nodded, slinging an arm around Poe's shoulder as he got up and staggered to the room. The second Finn sat down on Poe's bed, he broke into tears. 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm sick, I don't want you to get rid of me, I can get better. I can pull through I..." 

"Hey, hey hey!" Poe said, grabbing Finn's shoulders gently. "What's wrong honey, you need to tell me what's wrong so I can help." Finn sucked in a deep breath and looked Poe in the eyes. 

"Back in the order, I had a squadmate, and he.. He felt like this, and then they... They said he was defective." For a moment, Poe's heart stopped. 

"So they got rid of him. Because he was sick." Finn nodded rapidly, squeezing his eyes shut. Poe tried to say something, tried to come up with words to try and comfort him, but nothing came out. They sat in silence, neither sure how to re-engage the other in conversation. Eventually, Finn laid down, stretching out in Poe's bed and yawning loudly. Poe smiled, amused. "I take it you wanna stay in here tonight, Finn?" The ex-trooper shot up, blushing. 

"I mean I can move, it's not a big deal, I mean there's not an extra cot for you then.." 

"Finn." Poe cut him off, smirking, "We can share. I mean, I'd hate for you to be alone for too long, considering you're not feeling well." Finn nodded weakly, a bright blush still covering his face. Poe carefully and slowly sat next to him, making sure to telegraph each of his movements. To his surprise, Finn immediately cuddled up to him, resting his head on his shoulder and relaxing into his neck. Poe smiled, kissing his hair softly and resting his hand on the back of Finn's head. 

Poe had been a rebel all his life, he'd been told since he was little that the Empire and everything that it stood for was bad, and wrong, but he never actively hated them. It was just a bad set of ideals, nothing deep, nothing personal. That was, until now. He hated what Finn had been through, he hated the people that made Finn feel like he couldn't show emotion, like he couldn't be human. He thought about the ways that the galaxy had wronged the man in his arms, and he silently promised Finn that he would help. That his life would be better from here on out, because he could feel, he could want, he could love. Poe would make sure of that. 

To no one's surprise, within the next day, Finn started to recover. Not because of the medicine, or because of dumb luck, but because for the first time in his life he could depend on another person. He didn't have to recover in silence, and most importantly, he didn't have to recover alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was fun, right! What do you want to see next? 
> 
> Also, a sidenote, Conejito means bunny in Spanish, and it seemed like a good pet name for Finn. Thanks for reading!


	4. Mercy is not a Quality of a Good Soldier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn finds himself in the middle of a battleground surrounded by civilians. He thinks he knows what he has to do. He couldn't be more wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally some Leia in this chapter, yay! 
> 
> Also this one's way more intense than the others, so if you want to sit this out, I get it. Thanks for your support!

All in all, the fight was going remarkably well for the Resistance and for Finn. He had managed to lead a group of soldiers in a campaign to successfully push First Order troops out of a peaceful city, and escape without so much as an injured man. Honestly, he couldn't believe his luck. They shouldn't have won, they were outnumbered one to five, and none of them had nearly enough training to deal with the complicated conditions on the planet, but here they were, headed back to their ship and very much alive. The general didn't seem to believe him either, considering her tone when Finn contacted her. 

"Just give me the status report. Don't beat around the bantha," Leia deadpanned, hesitation lingering in her voice. 

"We did it general. We pushed them back, and all of us lived to tell the tale," Finn stated triumphantly. Leia almost choked from the other end. 

"You're serious?" Leia mused, her tone sounding eerily like her husband. 

"Why would I falsely report something like this general?" Leia laughed, reflecting internally. 

"Then I assume you've got quite the story for me," Leia remarked. Finn smirked, laughing for a moment before stopping in his tracks. "What is it Finn?" Leia asked over the holo, but Finn wasn't paying any attention to her. He was focused on the sight before him in the middle of the road. Two boys, no older than ten, staring in awe at a burning First Order flag. The boys looked almost betrayed, horrified by both the flag and the fighters standing before them. Finn swallowed hard. 

He remembered his second mission as a trooper. They were told to occupy a small village in the outer rim, and given all too simple orders in regards to the civilians. 'If they don't comply, they must die.' Finn hated it, he hated killing people who were shooting back at him, much less those who weren't even any danger to him. There wasn't any avoiding it, either, considering the blaster checks Phasma would inevitably perform, and the awful punishments that would await anyone without a spent magazine. So FN-2187 gritted his teeth, closed his eyes and fired at the townspeople.

"General Organa, our path is being blocked," Finn said robotically, making sure the kids couldn't hear him. 

"Are they hostiles?" 

"I'm not sure. They're young, but they can't stop staring at an imperial flag in the road, general. They're not being aggressive, though. Not right now at least." Finn was fairly sure Leia was responding, but he couldn't hear much of anything. He raised his gun shakily, aiming at the kids. He heard his squad behind him, most telling him to stop, but he had to follow what he'd been taught. 

"Finn what are you.." 

"General, I'm sorry, I know they're in our way, but.... I don't want to kill any more kids." His squad made a collective shocked noise. Finn didn't move until Leia spoke again. 

"Stand down, Finn." Leia's tone left no room for argument. Reluctantly, and with a heaving breath, Finn backed up and lowered his weapon. They continued down the road to their ship, no one knowing exactly how to break the silence. Finn was almost in a haze, moving without thinking further toward his escape. For a moment, he forgot that the general was on call with him. 

"I'm sorry about that, general," Finn murmured. 

"What was that about, Finn? I thought we discussed policy about this kind of thing," Leia asked kindly but forcefully. Finn sighed. 

"It was an order thing. Look, I don't really want to talk about it right now, okay? Can we discuss it in person?" Finn was shorter with the general than he intended, but she didn't seem to take offense. 

"Report to me when you get back here. Congratulations on a successful outing." The general hung up, leaving Finn to his thoughts and his team. The flight home was largely quiet, save a check-in message from Poe, but that was exactly what Finn needed. When they touched down, the squad spread out quickly, allowing for Finn to head straight to the general's office. He opened the door hesitantly, expecting to be greeted by an pacing, angry general. 

That's not what he got. Instead, standing behind her desk and looking at him almost mournfully, Leia extended her hand to him, gesturing that he sit down. He obliged, awkwardly attempting to make himself comfortable in the general's worn chair. 

"I want to know what you meant when you said it was an order thing?" The general deadpanned, concern in her eyes. Finn sighed. 

"I don't want to get into it, but we had to kill anyone who didn't comply with occupation. I'm sorry, I guess I was just reminded..." 

"No need to apologize," Leia cut him off, looking almost green in the face, "I understand." Leia was quiet for a while, staring hard at a picture on her desk. "But you know you don't have to do it now. Things are different here." 

"I know. I don't know what came over me general." 

"It's alright Finn. The past can be a hard thing to kill, believe me." Finn nodded, hanging his head. Silently, Finn got up and headed to the door, unsure of what to say. Leia didn't mind, only waving him off kindly as he left. A part of him felt bad as he left, it was clear he'd brushed on something the general didn't want to talk about, but he let it be. He could do that now, after all. He didn't have to worry about being erased if he didn't do everything right. Like the general said, things are different here. 

He wasn't more than a few feet away from the door when a familiar voice broke him from his thoughts. "Cojentio! I heard what you did down there today. You've gotta tell me about it, Finn," Poe chirped, throwing his arm around the former trooper. Finn smiled, leaning into Poe's neck playfully. 

"We got lucky, I don't want to brag." 

"That's the thing, I would love to hear you brag." Finn blushed hard, starting the story with a smile. There were no causalities, civilian or resistance that day, and the more he thought about it, the more Finn realized that that was something he could brag about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies, I cannot write Leia without making it angsty. Hope you enjoyed regardless! Comment what you want to see next!


	5. Stormtroopers are not Individuals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn wants to pick up a hobby, but old memories hold him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here, have some fluff. Warning, the child abuse in this chapter is a little more explicit than the rest of this fic, but not anything super graphic. Hope you enjoy!

Art had fascinated Finn since he could remember. He was always looking at the tapestries, murals and statues on all of the planets he was forced to invade, marveling at the local culture he was forced to destroy. He wanted to understand more about the finely sculpted corners and the thin, precise lines that covered the murals, but it was like it was a foreign language, something he was never allowed to even display curiosity about. 

He asked his superiors about it when he was young. He just wanted to know, to try and do something for fun for a change. It wouldn't do any harm, he thought, he could do it when he was in the bunks, or after workout, or on the way to a mission. Eyes downcast and voice small, Finn asked his captain if he could make some art, even just have some paints to try and make something with. 

His commander laughed at him. 

Violently, loudly, harshly laughed at him. He proceeded to take a baton from out of his desk and swing at Finn, berating him for not focusing on the mission and not pouring his energy into the Order. He called his interests pointless, feeble, and "completely inappropriate for a trooper of his caliber." 

It stung. Not just the lashes, but the words, the invalidation, the horrible feeling that the commander forced upon him stung in a deep, horribly real way. He just wanted to explore, try new things, but that was wrong. That wasn't allowed. He was breaking the rules, and that meant he was unfit. 

For years, he had no choice but to think that way. He forced the interest down, chastising himself every time he felt his eyes drift to art around the planets he went to. The curiosity never died, no matter how hard he tried to force it down, but his acknowledgement of it did, until he escaped. Until he was rescued. 

There wasn't very much art around the resistance base. It was much more ramshackle than he'd seen when he was in the order, and there wasn't much time for anything other than fighting, training and producing resources. Not that Finn minded, he was always around good company, and was always in good working conditions, but he did miss looking at all of the different pieces. 

Though Finn didn't advertise the fact, of course, Poe caught on to the fact that something was wrong with him. He didn't press Finn, just observed, trying to figure out what exactly was wrong with his new beau. It went on that way for weeks, Poe trying to decode Finn's problem, and Finn trying to hold back the information, when Poe finally decided to ask. 

"Are you okay?" Poe was very delicate with his words, careful not to push too hard. Finn smiled halfheartedly, laughing forcefully. 

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Don't worry about me." Poe pouted. 

"No can do. You seem off, and I care about you, so that's not something I can ignore," Poe explained plainly, playfully resting a hand on Finn's cheek. The former trooper leaned into it unconsciously. 

"I just.." Finn trailed off, eyes fixing on something behind Poe, "It's stupid." 

"It's bothering you, it's clearly not stupid." Finn swallowed hard. 

"Is there a way I can paint when I'm not busy?" Poe smiled, surprised. 

"Of.. of course! I'll have to arrange something, but if you want, I can work something out." Finn smiled in relief. Poe paused before moving any further, smirking deviously. "And.. can I ask you something?" Finn blushed, gesturing for the pilot to continue. "Will you paint me?" Finn's face went beet red. 

"Of.. of course. I've never done that before, so I won't be good, but..." 

"Who cares? It'll be fun." Finn agreed to it quickly, smiling dopily. 

For the months and years after that, Poe had a poorly, but lovingly done portrait hanging over his desk, signed with the letter F and a sloppy heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that was cute! Let me know what you thought!


	6. Loyalty is to be Valued Above All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn was always taught to value his comrades safety above all else. Maybe that was a lesson he didn't need to re-learn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! Hope you enjoy the final shot!

The battlefield was pure chaos, and Finn had no clue how to process it all. Sure, he'd been a part of his fair share of firefights in the order, but now he was a commander. He had lives that he was responsible for, lives he truly cared about. He had Poe out there with him. Poe had just landed his squadron a few hundred yards behind Finn, comming in to confirm his position. It comforted Finn to know he was there, but it couldn't distract him. He had men he needed to protect. 

Without warning, a company of troopers suddenly ambushed Finn's men, firing on them with extreme fervor. Finn scrambled to come up with something to say to his men, some coherent order, some message to keep them safe. Thankfully, even in his silence, his men snapped into action, most of them successfully hiding and getting out of harm's way. 

He ducked out of their path with seconds to spare. Quickly, he hopped back up on a ridge, leveling his blaster. A handful of his men were in the makeshift bunker around him, affirming his course of action when they followed his lead. 

He remembers knocking out several waves of troopers, hitting shots with precision unheard of in the order. Hours sped by, countless round being fired off from both sides, but the tide of the fight was clearly in the favor of the Resistance. Finn could barely notice that, he was too occupied with fending off the hoards to notice anything beyond what his blaster pointed at. He was so enthralled in the fighting that he didn't even think about the status of Poe's team.

"Finn, we have several men down from the airborne squad, what's our next move?" A soldier piped up from behind him, staying low while awaiting instructions. Finn froze. 

"Do you know if their commander's hurt?" The soldier looked confused for a moment before quickly gathering herself. 

"I received the SOS from a lieutenant, but he didn't specify." Finn swallowed hard. It wasn't a confirmation, but he didn't like what that implied. At all. Drawing a bitter breath, he snapped into action. 

"Lieutenant Kasat, keep the squad fighting off the stragglers. Medics, follow me. We're dropping back and seeing if we can help airborne." The team gave a collective and obedient nod, promptly returning to their battle stations. Finn and the two medics he'd brought quickly snaked into the back line, on the hunt for their backup. 

The first signs they saw were anything but encouraging. A figure in an orange flight suit with a hole in her chest, her eyes staring at some far off point. Finn went slightly green, trying not to picture what the rest of the squad might look like. One of the medics rested a hand on her neck, hanging his head immediately. 

"She's dead," the medic deadpanned, signaling Finn to move forward. Hesitantly, he obeyed, tracking further toward the X-Wings. Encouragingly, they started to encounter living members of the squadron, even some who had escaped without a scratch on them. Finn was happy to find them, yes, but more than that he needed answers. He needed Poe. 

It took what felt like an eternity, but eventually black one came into view over the horizon. At its wheels laid a figure in a flight suit, face obscured by the ship's shadow. Finn picked up speed toward it, heart in his throat. As he drew nearer and the light began to shift, his stomach dropped. Poe was laying up against the wheel of his beloved ship, clutching a slowly bleeding wound on his side. 

"Poe?" He almost yelled, drawing the pilot's attention. When he locked eyes with Finn, Poe's eyes saddened. The former trooper closed the remaining distance in an instant, quickly dropping to Poe's level. 

"Hey.. Finn," Poe said drowsily, head drooping on to Finn's shoulder weakly. Finn signaled one of the medics to Poe's side, where they gingery removed his hands from the spot. Finn couldn't tear his eyes away. It was deep. Bad. He must have been staring for longer than he intended, because Poe seemed to take notice. "I's not 's bad as you think." 

"Poe we need to get you back to base. We can help you there, you'll be..." 

"Finn," the injured man slurred, reaching toward him, " M gonna be okay. Don' worry." Finn laughed humorlessly. 

"Don't worry? Poe we need to get you help," the medics slowly lifted Poe on to a stretcher, Finn holding his hand all the while. "We got you, we won Poe, just stay awake for me, okay? You're gonna be okay." Poe smirked, slowly pulling Finn's hand to his lips and kissing it. The two locked eyes as they moved into the transport ships, both murmuring to each other in an attempt to calm one another down. 

Distantly, it reminded Finn of one of the worst moments in the order. It was late in his career, only about a month before Poe rescued him when he and his closest compatriot were running a patrol. It was standard, a perfectly normal mission that the pair had done countless times before. There weren't even any hostiles in the area, only other troopers running training exercises. Finn and his friend were talking about nothing much at all, when they turned a blind corner. 

It all happened so fast. 

There was a flash, a zap and an awful surge before Finn realized what was happening. His friend was on the ground, a huge gash in his side and officers were rushing over uttering apology after apology. Finn didn't hear any of it. He was glued to his friend's side, trying to keep him conscious, talking, anything but dead. 

And yet, his pulse had stopped. The officers swarmed around him in an attempt to cover it up, convince that is was an accident. Finn was taken aside, swept away to an office of one of his superiors before he even knew what was happening. 

His most vivid memory of that day was what his superior officer said when he entered the office. "You've made us proud, FN-2187. Loyalty of that caliber to one's fellow trooper is to be rewarded." Finn didn't understand at that moment. Why were they focused on something as trivial as loyalty when his comrade had just died? It seemed so meaningless, another lesson that the Order felt the need to teach. 

Looking down at Poe's face now; he got it. He understood. Even with all of the awful, guilt inspiring, misguided lessons the order taught, he got it. 

He couldn't imagine anything being more important than staying loyal to Poe in that moment, as he drifted in and out of consciousness. He vaguely remembered overhearing someone ask if they should call Kes, and he vaguely remembered responding, but he was focused on one thing and one thing only; staying loyal to Poe. 

The next few hours sped by, tests, treatments and several tears making the minutes feel like seconds. At some point, Kes Dameron arrived, worried but happy that Finn was there and okay. The two men talked for a while, Kes telling tales of Poe's younger self and Finn simply nodding and smiling, taking it all in. Eventually, Kes stared Finn in the eyes and placed a hand on his shoulder. 

"You know son, I'm impressed," Kes mused, smirking that Dameron smirk. Finn blushed. 

"What do you mean?" 

"You don't find people as loyal as you are just anywhere. You haven't left here in almost a day, and all because you care about my son. That's impressive to me." Finn's chest puffed pridefully. 

"Well... Wow. Thank you Kes." The older man smiled, rising gently. He gestured for Finn to follow him down the hall. 

"Let's go see him." Kes gave a warm chuckle, walking along with Finn to see Poe. 

Finn relished the feeling of pride that oozed from his chest as he walked with the man. The order was wrong about a lot, but maybe they did get something right. Maybe staying loyal in the hard times did mean something do him, one lesson he was glad he learned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the support! I appreciate everything!


End file.
